Most days my demons are silent, but when they talk, oh, God, how they scream.
Its funny how much a single quote can resonate with a persons soul. I feel as if that quote was made just for me, a lot these days. I worry that my sanity may be slipping due to the books i've taken to reading. The hobby of mine, studying serial killers and their madness, their methods, i feel is slowly turning me into a monster..sometimes i find myself with no empathy for the victims of these acts, instead Ill find myself wondering just why the killer did it and how. I can say that honestly scares me, the lack of remorse so to speak.
I can say that ive also begun to feel an attachment to the show criminal minds, as it speaks to my hobby.
I feel so lost these days. Always an inch away from bursting into tears, even though there's really nothing wrong. I'm happy. I've met the man I'm going to marry. So why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like I'm not good enough, that he'll find someone new. He always assures me that my dark cloud thoughts on the subject are wrong. And I want to believe him, with all my heart. But I can't. I feel like I'm barely getting by these days. Ever since I lost my job, at first it was fun but now, now it's awful. I don't want to settle for some low paying job and live pay check to paycheck. I'm tired of that life. Keith always feels like it's his fault we are living at home still. But it's not. It's my fault, if only I had saved up more money or found a job worth while. Maybe if I had tried harder we wouldn't be stuck. I've gained weight since losing my job, I now weigh 250. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror or to go shopping for clothing. I hide that from Keith as well, though I think he knows I hate how I look. It probably doesn't help that my mom makes comments about it. It's not fair that keith can eat anything and not gain a pound.
As I write this I'm crying, silently of course so Keith doesn't wake up. I cry myself to sleep a lot these days.
So I've somehow been convinced to possibly get a table at the artist alley in Anime Boston this coming year, so here's a list of some of the fan art I'll draw for it...feel free to add to the list :3
oh and it'll be mostly chibi art xD